Birth Story

I debated for a long time whether or not I should post my birth story. I think I should--I need to remember it, and I think it's good to process the whole experience. So...here goes!

With all the buzz around inducing me, the doctors gave me until my official due date, Oct. 30, to go into labor on my own. If I hadn't, I would have been induced on the 30th. I did finally go into labor on the 26th after a round of trying natural induction methods at home (mental note: breast pump worked only AT NIGHT!) I started having contractions at 11pm, and they continued regularly through the night. They weren't especially painful at that time, but they were strong enough that I couldn't sleep. I encouraged Chris to sleep while he could, but he was just so excited! We practiced being on the birth ball, which ended up being my favorite position. The following morning, we decided to go to the hospital when my contractions were 2-3 minutes apart and about 1 minute long.

When we arrived (6:30? 7:00?), I was sure that I would be about 6 cm when checked. I mean, I had already been laboring for 8 hours! Nope. 3 cm. I figured it was no big deal, I just had to keep dilating on my own, right? Ugh. I dilated SO SLOWLY! Michele met us at the hospital to act as our doula shortly after I checked in. I walked...and walked...and walked...and I barely dilated any more. Meanwhile, the contractions were getting pretty painful. I moaned through them and had to look Chris or Michele directly in the eye for focus.

When I got past 4 cm, I decided to get into the tub. From that point on, my labor was just a cycle of getting in the tub, getting out of the tub...in the tub, out of the tub...in the tub, out of the tub...you get the idea! My contractions were more tolerable when I was in the tub, but I knew it was probably slowing down my labor. To top everything off, Chris was wearing a digital watch that I STARED at while in the tub. I kept telling myself that normal labor lasts about 12 hours, so I waited for that 12 hour mark. That time came and went, with me no closer to delivering.

I finally dilated to 6 cm (after many more hours of laboring), but I kind of just got stuck there. It seemed like my body just didn't want to dilate any further! Also, by this point, I was freakin' exhausted. My body was tired and my mind was tired. I kept feeling like I must be going through transition because I just felt like I couldn't do it any more. I just needed to rest! So at 18 hours of labor, I asked for anything other than an epidural. I got an IV medication called Nubain, and it allowed me to sleep for 2 hours. I was sure that if I just got a little bit of sleep, I could certainly get through the rest of labor. I woke up, the doctor checked me, and I was still 6 cm. And I was still exhausted. He broke my water to try to speed things up (looking back, I wish I had said no), and the fluid was filled with "lots of thick meconium." At this point, I knew I wasn't getting my slimy baby moment--they would have to put her directly under the warmer and asess her breathing. I came to terms with that, and got excited that things should be speeding up.

Well, the contractions got more painful, but labor certainly didn't "speed up." I got so out of sorts that I finally asked for the epidural. Ahh...what sweet relief it was! I slept for 4 hours and woke up feeling pretty great and dilated to 9.5 cm! The doctors let me labor down for a while, and then I began to push. And push. And push. I pushed for almost 4 hours! Little Ella refused to descend beyond 0 station. At this point, the doctor realized she was posterior (oh--that's what the back labor was all about!) and turned her around with forceps. I pushed some more. She didn't descend. He tried using the vacuum. She still didn't descend. You could see the look of disappointment on his face; he really wanted to give me a vaginal birth, but things weren't going well. Her heart rate kept dropping dramatically during pushing and then skyrocketing afterward. It was so scary to hear it on the monitor!

In the end, we decided to do a cesarean. I was disappointed, but I knew it was necessary. I also knew it must be karma-- I've done so much bad-mouthing of cesareans in the past. After the doctor gave me more drugs for the surgery, I pretty much passed out. I was so very tired! I remember I was so terrified that I would feel them cutting me. When I was pushing, I could feel half my body, so I was sure the epidural was placed incorrectly and I would feel the knife on my right side. While I was lying on the table, I asked Chris if they had started yet. The anesthesiologist laughed and said they were almost done! Chris later told me it was funny because my body was bouncing all over the table. Apparently the doctor had a hard time getting her out, even with a section! Her head was literally STUCK in my pelvis. He had to tug and tug to get her free!

I remember hearing the doctor announce the time of birth: 12:47 pm. Chris brought her to me, and I thought she was so beautiful! I remember that it surprised me--I just knew she would be all malformed after all that pushing. Yes, she did have a conehead, but she was still gorgeous.

I don't remember a lot after this. I guess they wheeled me back to the room and I slept. I think I kept asking Chris to go check on her, but he was reluctant. He went a couple of times, but I think he really wanted to stay with me. At some point Chris' mom came into the room, but I'm not sure when. A couple of hours later, a nurse wheeled Ella into the room. Again, I don't remember much, and that's the part that saddens me the most. I don't really remember the first time I held her. I know I put her to my breast and she latched on immediately, but it seems like a dream; nothing's really clear in my memory about that moment. One thing I remember so clearly, though, happened before Ella was brought to me. When Regina came into my room, we both broke into tears and were overcome with emotion. I'll NEVER forget that! It was really incredible!

I think my birth experience was important for several reasons, the biggest one being to teach me to be less judgemental. Before giving birth, I was extremely elitist and, well, annoying about natural childbirth. I looked down my nose at those who used epidurals and got c-sections. Even though I wish my birth had gone differently and I will definitely try for a natural birth again next time, I understand more now. I understand that things can't always go as you plan them, and birth is different for each person. Each person's experience is their own, and it's theirs to remember and treasure.

Now it must be time for me to stop typing because my beautiful daughter is crying for her mommy! I may not remember the first time I held her, but I'll have thousands more times to make memories.

Back from the hospital...

But no baby yet! I went to my midwife appointment on Friday morning at 11:00 and my BP was absolutely through the roof...146/102 (taken three times, all about the same). Leslie wanted to induce immediately since we had been seeing this trend over the last few weeks, and she transferred my care to a doctor in the practice. I went home, got our bags, and headed back to L&D. Checked in at 2:00, got a saline lock (worst experience EVER--it's still sore!), got hooked up to the monitors, and watched the nurses cart in all the induction stuff (the plan was to use a Foley catheter). The monitored me for about 45 minutes, and my BP just kept getting lower, and lower, and lower...by the end, it was almost normal! In addition, I was having contractions about every 5 minutes, 60 seconds long.

The doctor came in, and said she had reviewed my chart. She didn't want to induce because the likelihood of a cesarean was so high and because my BP had stabilized. She decided to keep me in the hospital on bedrest, though, and redid a 24-hour urine collection and labs. Everything came back relatively normal (the protein in my urine was elevated, but not above the "magic number" of 300), so she discharged me this morning. It was the most boring 3 days of my life! I am on modified bed rest now, so I have a feeling the next week or two is going to just creep by. She encouraged us to get labor moving by whatever means possible--as if we hadn't been doing that already!

Anyway, my care was transferred BACK to the midwives, and I have an appointment on Tuesday morning. I have to be honest--I really liked the doctor that worked with me, and I'm now a little skeptical of my primary midwife. I understand that my BP WAS dangerously high, and I think she was right to want to induce. However, she wanted to induce using cytotec! She actually told me to tell the doctor to use cytotec, but I was thrilled that she wanted to use the Foley catheter instead. The rest of my appointments are scheduled with the other midwife in the practice, who I think I like better anyway. It's weird how my opinion has totally shifted over the past few days. I thought I liked Leslie way better, but now I'm on the Nicole bandwagon!

I'm still having regular contractions, but they don't hurt at all. I can just feel a little cramp and then rising in my uterus. Last time they checked, they were about 8 minutes apart, 60-90 seconds long. I guess I'll know when it's the "real thing"--I hope that happens soon!

Nope, nothin' yet. I keep getting contractions in the evening, but they fizzle out by morning. I'm wondering what the little counter to the left will say once I surpass my due date...hmm...-1 days left?

In other news, I am officially addicted to baby carriers. I started out my collection with a few cheap things I picked up second hand, and now my "nice" carriers outnumber my "cheap" carriers. I have a Moby-style wrap (thanks to Rebecca and Michael!), a ring sling that I bought second-hand from Once Upon a Child, a NICE Kozy Carrier Mei Tai, a Beco Butterfly (most practical, especially for daddy), and a Storch Leo wrap (undoubtedly the "nicest"). I think it's kind of become like some women with shoes or handbags--this is my newest shopping addiction! I'll have to post pictures of me and Ella using each one after she's born :-) Tory, I've been trying to convince Chris that I need a "formal" dupioni silk ring sling for your wedding, but he's not buyin' it (literally and figuratively)!!!

Nothing yet

Still nothing but cramps! Still keeping our fingers crossed!

Today's Acupuncture

Well, I had my acupuncture treatment today, but I don't think I'm in labor yet. I had a couple of strong contractions while I was on the table and a couple more during dinner, and then they tapered off for a while. :-( As I'm typing this, though, I feel really crampy, and I feel lots of pressure down there. I'm going to try to get some sleep, and hopefully Ella wakes me up at about 6am! :-)

Maternity Photos!

Chris finally took maternity pictures for me! I kind of wanted to use a professional photographer (mostly for the experience), but I'm glad Chris did it instead--take a look!

Is she coming soon?

Since the midwife suggested we try to get Ella out as soon as possible, I scheduled an acupuncture "induction" for next Wednesday, the 15th. Remee, the acupuncturist, told me I needed to bring someone with me to drive, "just in case"!!! Now, I'm not getting my hopes up that it will even work the first time--acupuncture is most effective when used within one week of the due date--but her insistence that I bring someone along to drive has made me quite anxious! I've been reading studies on acupuncture induction, and it really is quite effective. Cross your fingers that it works and we're holding a little one before our next midwife appointment (next Friday, the 17th)!